Sunlight
by Tockie16
Summary: Adam's internal reaction to seeing Eric when he turns up in all his 'Fierce Nigerian Queen' glory. One-shot. May become a series of one-shots based on S1 and S2 of Sex Education. R&R always appreciated! :D


Sunlight

_Set in S1 - The night of the school dance._

Adam Groff's world was grey, dull and dark. It always had been for as long as he could remember. From his mostly love-lacking childhood up until this very moment. Where he was sitting alone on the cold, equally grey stone steps that lead up into the contrastingly brightly coloured dance hall. Everyone was laughing and chatting cheerfully around him, never sparing even a glance in his direction.

He was just sitting staring into nothingness. Perhaps he was waiting, although he didn't know quite what for. Perhaps he was waiting for someone, anyone, to notice he was there, that he was alive and had feelings too, just like they did. Perhaps he was waiting until he himself was ready to face any of the people around him. Not that any of them were waiting for him or would care if he was there or not. If he was honest with himself he knew that no one wanted him there. But that thought made his chest constrict uncomfortably and the corners of his eyes prickle, so he squashed it down and did what he always did, thought about and blamed the people he hated for his current predicament.

He dragged slowly on his half-smoked cigarette, contemplating how much he hated his father, how much he hated that his mother, although she was loving, could never stand up to his tyrannical treatment of Adam. He thought about how much he hated that everyone who he had come close to remotely caring about enough to have a relationship or a potential friendship with, walked away from him. He thought despairingly about how much he felt like an empty shell of a person that could only ever be filled with anger and darkness. How maybe he was meant to be alone. How maybe he truly was worthless like his father consistently told him.

He caught himself then, again his thoughts being too painful to examine up close. He looked around instead, trying to distract himself from his spiralling thoughts. But what he saw only made things worse. With all the happy couples and groups of close friends walking straight past him wearing colourful clothes and bright smiles clearly still not even aware of him, Adam felt like he camouflaged into these grey, hard concrete steps.

He was not a deep person, or even a particularly smart person by any stretch, but even he knew that he exuded an aura of isolation; it was his defence mechanism. It was all he knew how to do well. Push people away, when all he truly wanted was to be close to someone. For someone to notice his pain, hell, to even just not run away from him despite his gruff demeanour. For someone to know his words and actions were all bullshit toxic masculinity to hide himself; for someone to call him out on it even if they didn't understand him fully.

Yes; Adam's world was indeed very grey, inside and out. Sometimes he wondered if anyone would notice if he ever slipped away from everything, from school, from his so-called home… even from the world.

Adam sharply huffed out his breath through his nose in agitation and sadness and roughly loosened his red tie from his suit, the lump in his throat making the knot press too tightly against his windpipe. It didn't make him feel much better. In fact, he was starting to hyperventilate a little; panic and hopelessness gripping his rib cage in a familiar tightness like a large fist was crushing him. He dragged on his cigarette again in an attempt to calm himself.

He felt himself losing his own grip on reality and rationality, he started to slip into the darker recesses of his mind, and he had nothing to hold onto. He was drowning.

That's when Adam laid his eyes on the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his life. Everything suddenly went quiet and calm in his mind, a beacon anchored him to the earth and to this one moment. His heart stopped for a full two beats.

It was like he was looking at the sunrise or an exploding star, so bright but so beautiful that he just couldn't bring himself to look away. Eyesight be dammed.

Adam's heart started thundering in his chest, his stomach aching and fluttering in the most excruciatingly delightful way, as he continued to stare dumbfounded as Eric Effiong, radiant and shining with confidence and life, strutted towards him from the car park. He looked truly stunning in his sexy as hell heels, his vibrant sunset orange, forest green and white patterned suit that complemented the lines of his body so well. He wore his emerald green gele atop his head like royalty, and that shimmering gold earring dangling against his slender neck was doing things to Adam's body and thoughts that would make even Jean Milburn blush.

But what struck Adam the most, which had always struck him about Eric, was how truly gorgeous Eric's face was. Not because of the flamboyant gold makeup, but for how it highlighted what was already there. His skin looked impossibly smooth and supple; his elegant bone structure exaggerated by the contrast of his beautifully dark skin tone against the bright gold shimmer. His eyes framed by thick black long lashes shone, if it was possible, even brighter than the glitter surrounding them.

It was right then and there that Adam realised that he was deeply, irreversibly, undeniably, head over heels in love with Eric. It was like he was having an outer-body experience, like everything was in slow motion. His epiphany simultaneously completely elated and absolutely terrified him. Adam had never been in love with anyone before; he never thought it possible for someone like him. Sure, he had liked Aimee, but fondness was as far as his feelings ever went. He had held onto her for comfort, starving for some kind of affection. She felt safe.

But _this_…_This_ was full blown, gut-wrenching, heart over-spilling, spine-tingling, breathless rendering love; and this time he couldn't shy away from it. His heart wouldn't let him hide from this realisation, it demanded him to acknowledge it whether he wanted to or not, he was powerless to fight it.

As Eric got closer and closer to him Adam tried to pull himself together again after having fallen apart so easily from the sheer sight of him. He felt somewhat relieved as a man, clearly his dad, stopped Eric to speak to him with a worried crease to his brow. It gave Adam more time to get composed again. To put his armour back on.

He listened carefully to what was being said between the father and son, and felt a swirl of emotions, the quick succession in which he felt them made him dizzy and a little nauseous. He felt something akin to pride and respect as Eric showed his bravery to be himself despite the pain others might cause him, guilt that he knew he was one of the main people that caused Eric pain, jealousy and grief over the lack of a relationship he had with his own father that Eric seemed to have with his dad. He'd give anything for his dad to be like that, hell, just to be proud of him for once in his life would be good enough for him.

Eric and his dad embraced each other and Adam felt himself tear-up a little at the lack of affection like that in his own life. It was short lived however, as he realised that Eric was finally approaching him, and his heart was struggling to handle it.

Adam desperately needed to have Eric's dark eyes and focus on him, he needed to have Eric to himself for just a little bit even if it wasn't a positive reaction. It had been this way with him for years, Adam sniffing around Eric like a hungry lonesome dog desperate for the scraps of his effortless warmth and attention. Barking at Eric to get him riled up in a way that made Adam feel warm and giddy inside.

Adam threw his cigarette away, nervously rubbed his thighs with his now slightly sweaty palms, and rose from the steps calling out to Eric in the only way he knew how. But this time his aggressive insults and threats to Eric had lost their edge in his voice. He knew he'd been rattled by his realisation of his feelings for Eric.

"What are you supposed to be, Tromboner, a _girl_?"

Eric just kept walking but shouted back at him, "What do you _want,_ Adam?!"

Adam's head spoken first, "_You, I want you_." But he didn't dare let that pass his lips.

He panicked, Eric was still heading quickly towards the party and was slipping away from him. He said the first thing that came into his head before he lost Eric to the crowd.

"I'm gonna F***ing kill you."

He hated himself a little more for hurting Eric and continuing to hurt him just for a reaction. It was pathetic really and he knew it, was disgusted by it, but he couldn't stop himself.

But boy did Adam get a reaction, and he was not prepared for it at all. Eric turned to him and bore his intense gaze down on Adam making him stop short. The raging storm of emotions inside him that he had tried to tamper down only moments ago were abruptly enflamed by the sheer force of nature that was Eric Effiong in all his 'Fierce Nigerian Queen' glory.

"Okay…Are you going to do it now or later? Because I'm ready when you are." Eric threw at him, turning the tables on Adam by getting into his personal space. It was overwhelming, intoxicating.

'_Damn'_… Adam had wanted Eric's attention and that was exactly what he got, but now he could barely look at his lovely face for fear of what Eric might see. He was not only terrified that he would give his heart away and Eric would realise what was going on underneath his breastbone - mere inches away from touching Adam's. But he was also finding it very hard to actually look at someone that beautiful. For the second time that night Adam felt like he was looking too closely at the sun.

When he did look briefly into Eric's eyes he found it difficult to breathe steadily, or even at all. But he realised that if he didn't say something back it would either look suspicious or weak.

"It's coming," he lamely offered as his answer. He could feel that Eric knew it was as lame as it sounded to him too.

"Ok," Eric said in the way one might reason with a child who got caught doing something they knew they shouldn't, "So _later_ then? Great."

Adam felt Eric's eyes searching for his to meet them, as if a magnetic pull was drawing him in, summoning him. When Adam did look up Eric's daring gold lips were so lusciously full and smiling smugly at Adam. Adam desperately wanted to taste those lips, so _badly_. He had to hold himself back from giving into that particular impulse; it was so strong.

Eric looked Adam up and down with fierce eyes and finally strode away from him, oozing sultry confidence and sass.

'_Damn,' _Thought Adam;even Eric knew he'd won this weird verbal sparring match between them.

And just like that Eric disappeared into the crowd leaving Adam alone in his wake, burning up from the inside with, for once, every emotion except rage.

He stared after Eric long after he was gone from sight. Speechless, heart pounding, throat dry, adrenaline pulsing through him in the best way he'd ever felt. Just _longing._

He couldn't believe it had taken this long for him to realise his true feelings for Eric. Well… This long to finally admit them to himself anyway. From that point on he knew he would never be the same again, his interactions with Eric would never be the same either. Something had completely shifted inside Adam and there was certainly no going back, no hiding anymore, no fooling himself into thinking his feelings were anything else but… Love.

Adam Groff's world was grey, dull and dark… But Eric Effiong was all loud, vibrant, dizzying colour. He was the bright sunlight that burst though the dark clouds inside Adam and filled him with warmth and, dare he even think it, a glimpse of happiness. It was so clear to him now why he was so obsessed with seeking Eric out, why he needed so desperately to be close to him.

Adam vowed to himself that he would try to not treat Eric with the harshness with which he had accustomed him to. He certainly wasn't going to be able to change immediately overnight. That wasn't possible for anyone, but he would damn well try harder. He would try harder for Eric. He would try harder for the boy he'd fallen completely in love with.


End file.
